overwhelmed by holiness
So, where was I? Oh, yes. Holiness. As in, how the heck do I attain holiness in my eating: when I’m at a conference for a week and have limited options available to me? when I don’t feel well and all that sounds appealing or soothing is something of a whole grain nature? when it’s that time of the month and the craving for all things sweet and carbohydratey is in full swing? when my head hurts for the fifth day in a row and all I can conceive of for dinner is a Hot And Nasty from Little Ceasars, again? when I’m tired of rules and regulations for eating, yet know...
Read More…the empty print…
What else does this craving, and this helplessness, proclaim but that there was once in man a true happiness, of which all that now remains is the empty print and trace? This he tries in vain to fill with everything around him, seeking in things that are not there the help he cannot find in things that are, though none can help, since this infinite abyss can be filled only with an infinite and immutable object; in other words by God himself. Blaise Pascal Still struggling with fatigue and brain-fog, but this quote from my reading last night struck me and I wanted to share...
Read Morewholly acceptable
I was talking last night with a gal I really enjoy who recently, in her own words, got “kicked in the butt” spiritually. It was the third or fourth conversation for me in the last week that revolved around the idea that everything we do matters to God. Wheels are turning in my head that haven’t turned in a while… there is a lot of creaking and groaning in going on up there, drowning out all other thoughts and conversations. It is not entirely comfortable. I wish some things were better left alone. Everything we do matters to God. This is the recurring theme. ...
Read Moredefining discipline
A delightful young woman I used to work with left a very caring comment for me on my last post that got me thinking further about this whole idea of discipline. The reflection grew beyond the scope of simply replying to her comment, so I decided to post my thoughts instead, in part because I think the answer is an important distinction to make, and to make evident to others. The comment this young woman made was that I was being really hard on myself, asking me to question “is hammering ‘discipline’ into your cranium working?” I understand where she’s coming...
Read Morethe tenacious ten: beginning again… again
I’ve typed the first sentence to this post four times now. I can’t seem to settle on what I want to say. I’m back in the swing of actively trying to lose this darn weight. Or at least I was going to be. Then I remembered the gymnastics banquet tomorrow night with the amazing lasagna, and I figured I’d better at least wait until after that, because, well, it would be a shame to waste any of my meal, after all. Which meant my weight work-out went by the wayside tonight, rather than squeezing it in. Which meant I helped to finish the gluten-free brownies so they...
Read Morethe tenacious ten: wanting what i want
Saturday evening’s tryst with Graeter’s went just fine, thanks to the brilliant idea that we pick up a few pints and eat them at the house, which somehow, fortunately, took the emotional impact out of it for me. (And it is, after all, all about me. Sheesh…) One bite of coconut chocolate chip was enough to sate me, and I was content to sip my tea and chew my dessert-flavored gum in favor of fitting into my shorts when I go to Alabama in two weeks. While that crisis was thankfully averted, I continue struggling, ad nauseum, to find the line between what my body wants and what my...
Read Morepermissible but not beneficial
The decision has been made. Saturday night the girls and I go to dinner and then to Graeter’s Ice Cream for girl’s night out. Dinner, I can handle–all I have to do is avoid the carbs. A nice specialty salad, and I’m good to go. But Graeter’s? Graeter’s is another story. Graeter’s is temptation. Graeter’s is deprivation. Graeter’s is everyone else getting to have ice cream while I smile politely and say, “No, I’m fine. Really.” This is the type of thing that, were I at my goal weight, would be no big...
Read Morethe tenacious ten: begining yet again
Today–the day after Easter and our family-wide “binge on sweets because we haven’t had them for six weeks” marathon–I began yet another attempt to take off this ten pounds that has clung to my frame with a great deal of tenacity for the last two and a half years since re-gaining them during The Winter From Hell. The bane of my existence over these two and a half years has been the continual popping up of what I call Major Food Events–which constitutes any situation involving food that is basically out of my control. Restaurants. Birthday parties. ...
Read More(not) living in denial
*sigh* I’ve done it again. I was losing weight, slowly but surely. Pants I’d not been able to wiggle into were now sliding over my rear-end and some were even fastening around the middle. Shirts weren’t as clingy and curve-revealing. People were commenting that I looked like I’d lost weight. I didn’t feel like wrapping my arms around my waist or hiding underneath large, shapeless sweaters. I felt a glimmer of hope, like the first ray of golden yellow that spreads across the horizon at sunrise. Until. Until my daughter’s birthday, when I decided...
Read Morethe tenacious ten: day 23
I am now 23 days into what was supposed to be my hard, fast run toward the finish line. I should be almost there. Um, yeah. Well… Here’s the thing. I SUCK at this. This “go at it hard” and “incredible efforts to get incredible results” thing. What I’m really good at is maintaining. I do that well, for the most part, barring any carbohydrate-craving-inducing injuries right before Christmas that send me into tailspins. Outside of THAT, I maintain my weight fairly easily. It took me some time (all the while telling myself I was trying to...
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